There was a moment of inspiration. A moment I felt like I could put in all on paper, I could pour it all out using the exact right words. Finally explain myself, to the world and to myself. Finally I understand, I have some sort of clarity on how I got where I am, of where I am headed. And the moment felt, transformational, it was blissful, serene, peaceful, but, it was just a moment. It was fleeting and what followed, was a string of disturbing emotions. When I was thrust from my moment into my reality and a dark cloud hovered over my head for many days. It loomed for a while, it was depression, it was a feeling of being incomplete, alone, too far away from the person I am. For two days I did nothing, for two days all I wanted was to sleep and go back to a moment that now feels like a dream, too far away from right now. It was something I could not handle.
This is probably confusing to you, so let me explain. I have a story, one that is somewhat interesting and far from finished. But it may be a story worth telling. As it is my story, I will take the liberty in taking some artistic liberties, because let’s be honest without them my story may seem pretty drab. But I can assure you that what I am about to tell you is based relatively close to the life I have lived till now.
So I shall give myself a name, you can call me Hannah. No, sorry I am not Hannah Montana, but let’s say my name is Hannah Daniels. I am an average woman, about to turn twenty seven, in three days time. I have a useless degree and a just as useless honors degree. I have a ton of skills and hobbies, but I truly am a jack of all trades and a master of none.
Like I mentioned I am twenty seven, but I feel like I have lived several lives in my short time on this earth. Let me explain that I am extremely weird, not in the sense that people generally like to call themselves weird and unusual nowadays, no nothing like that. I seem to be very different from the average person. I feel like my brain is wired differently, this will be tricky to explain, but I have a very unorthodox way of thinking. It has always been this way, from the time I was little I saw things differently. At first I thought that maybe I am just different from my family and cultural community. But as I grew up and started expanding my social circles I realized how truly different I am.
If you interested in this, and are still reading about my abnormal personality, then maybe writing this is not a total waste. I will try and walk you through what I mean, the differences I noted in myself. One thing that stands out for me is that people seldom ever get what I am saying, it is like I speak in some foreign language, and yes, I speak in English. I will express a though or idea, and most of the time, people will interpret it totally different from what I meant, could be I have problems communicating or the people I am speaking to have a limited understanding of the world. So my first odd characteristic is that I am largely misunderstood, but what’s weird about that is I don’t seem to care too much about that.
Another odd complexity I possess is the ability to always see both sides of a situation, even if the situation involves myself, I always see both sides and try to understand things from a humanistic point of view. Why I say this is weird, is because I seldom ever have people take my view into consideration, while I almost always look at both sides. And looking at both sides can be, somewhat confusing, but I will get into that a bit later.
I tend to think very differently as well, my though process is a bit odd, when it takes the average person a while to understand something complex, I can digest information quite fast. This presents a problem, I know I sound cocky here, trust me this is not my intention. If I possess any intelligence at all it is very unorthodox as I again tend to take in a lot of various bits of different information and am not a master in anything. But it is my curiosity; it is this sense of urgency I possess in which I wish I could learn about every single topic on this earth even if just in bits and pieces, my mind wants to know. I have a hungry brain. I have a curious mind. I am not sure if this is a good thing or not.
So that is a bit about me, a fish out of water, stumbling along this earth for twenty seven years, until I finally somehow adapted and adjusted to the person that I am. I finally accepted myself. But that was not an easy path. Like I said I feel like I lived many lives. This part of acceptance, this is like part five of my life.
If this sounds remotely interesting to you, then I shall humbly write about part one, which is the sweet and sour story, where all adult problems stem from, of course that is my childhood.
faithlessjournal 