Diary of a Desperate Housewife Part Two

Dear Dairy

Let me tell you something, marriage is all about a woman pleasing her man. It doesn’t matter if you get nothing in return, it doesn’t matter if he doesn’t treat you with affection, love or appreciate you, it doesn’t matter that you have to bend over backwards to please him but he wont even stretch his pinky for you. No, no one cares. It really doesn’t matter. You have to sit there and make it work. Just make it work because he is a good guy from a good family. So no it doesn’t matter if his love is just mouth say. If u have to force him to kiss you every day, force him to do other stuff with you. You must stay with him and make up for all your mistakes and correct every wrong thing about yourself, he doesn’t have to be perfect but yes, you do. You have to be perfect. You have to obey like a slave with no question, you make no demands, you ask for very little and expect less in return. Condition your mind to accept these things and it will be easier for you. Condition your mind to accept that you are nothing. You are just the wife of a good guy. You deserve nothing. He deserves every part of you. Shut down your feelings, emotions, suck in your anger and bitterness, and maybe in the end you will get

Something that will make it worth while. and if that doesn’t come in this life, wait for it in the next one, wait for it… pray for it silently, cry inside, let your hurt envelope all your pain into a lil ball n push it to the deepest part of your stomach and get use to having that gut feeling nudging at the side of you. But ignore it!!!!!!!! Do not succumb to that feeling, do not think you deserve more, or better, or anything. Just swallow your feelings whole. Every time you become upset, force yourself to calm the hell down. Force yourself to think of a day that things might be better in this life or the next. And even if you feel you don’t really love him, u just need him, just go with that feeling. Just stand behind that stove and cook what he likes, just stand above the sink and clean his dishes, just sweep that floor and tidy that house, even if its not out love, its out of duty. Do it.

Because you made your choice to be with him, And it doesn’t matter if you happy or not, no one cares if you are happy or not. Just stay with him. Become his humble servant. At least he does not hit you, or cheat on you, or drink or gamble and do drugs. No, he is a good guy. A good guy. So dedicate your life to this good guy. No matter what feelings you feel, no matter how you want to pack a suitcase and leave. You stay. Just stay. Just accept that this is your life. Don’t fight with him anymore, just accept whatever he has to say, whatever he n his family want. You just accept it quietly. Maybe you can do something that makes you happy, you could write, paint, sew, study, start a book club, do something or anything or everything. But keep your mind, hands and body busy always so that you have no time to think. You have no time to stop and say what happen to my life, who is this person in the mirror, where did I go? No those thoughts must never come into your head.

And this is the reality, this is marriage, this is what no one tells you. And yes in the beginning he will love you, you will be his world, but don’t be fooled by this honeymoon stage, because once its dead it’s dead. Once you’ve made mistakes he will never forgive you. But you have to forgive him. You have to accept him and change yourself. So even on the outside if you look like someone you no longer recognize, deep down in the inside you are still you. But that can only be the truth when he is no longer in your life, or you no longer in his, n not by divorce, God no. By death.