Dear god

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Dear god

Where were you? Where were you all those days, all those days I spent on my knees, begging, praying, crying. Why didn’t you answer me, why didn’t you hear my pleas?

I asked you to guide me god, instead you opened my eyes, you showed me the flaws in these religions, you pointed me in the direction of science and reason.

If you are really out there, if you really real, I have so many questions for you.

I was a devoted follower of a religion I firmly believed was yours. I thought I had a special connection to you, I thought I was special. But everything changed, you see god, all my life I was searching for a special kind of love, I needed it to feel whole, to full the gaps in my heart. Everyone told me you would do that, that you would full the gaps and so I turned to you, body mind and soul.

But I am sorry to say god, you really fucked me up. You say this life is a test, you say things like you don’t give a believer more then they can handle. But then you say that good comes from you and bad from satan, but wait, then you say that nothing happens without your will. Do you not see how you contradict yourself? I mean if I can see it, you being god I am sure are aware of these things. Which mind you is the tip of the iceberg of contradictions. But not the point I am trying to get at.

I loved you god, and I thought we had something special, but then you brought someone into my life, you or satan, I am not sure who brought him into my life, but one of you did. This amazingly perfect human being came into my life and touched my heart, his hands, I swear his hands are like the hands of an angel. You see god, this man, he is so perfect, he is everything I have been searching for all my life and more. But here is what I couldn’t understand and believe me god I tried to understand these things, but I am sorry it just makes no sense to me.

You see god, in this holy book that claimed to be by you, on almost every single page you mention the harsh and insane punishment for anyone who does not believe in you, but then you say that YOU have led them astray, that YOU have made them blind to your truth. I am sorry god, but this got me thinking, this got me thinking about why would you do this, why would you send this perfect man into my life, this man who doesn’t believe in this religion, but is still the most amazing person I have yet to know? Why would you create someone so amazing and destine him for hell? So at first I thought it was my job to save him, I thought that’s what you wanted and so I tried, I tried to ‘save’ him and yeah I was making slow and steady progress. But then I though about his family, what about them? And then I though about his friends? What about them?

And then I started to really think about you god, about this god that comes from the holy books, but I am sorry to say you were not looking very merciful anymore. I couldn’t understand why you would create so many amazing people just to punish them. What were you trying to prove? And to who? And me as a mere mortal feel all the pain and agony for the people around me, yet you just flippantly decree that they are destined for hell. No, this could not be right, this could not be true.

So if you are the all powerful all knowing deity you probably know all this, but this is how I started to question you, this is when I really wanted to know what was real and what wasn’t.

In the end my humanity was stronger then my blind belief.

So god, I am sorry but if you think you have blinded me I feel differently, you have opened my eyes with your silence.

All I wanted was love

All you gave me was a twisted game that messed with my mind

I found love, and the one who really loves me

Is really looking out for me

Is your creation

Is perfect

So thank you

 

 

 

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